Today I’m mourning…not overthinking.
It’s no secret that being pregnant comes with being hormonal and emotional. I was relatively prepared for that as much as you can be without experiencing it. But heck, this emotional rollercoaster lasts FOREVER. I’m over 14 months postpartum and I can still feel waves of inexplicable emotion overcome my logical brain every now and then. It’s a strange feeling (at least for me) when the littlest things make me want to burst out in tears for no reason other than an innate sense of being overwhelmed, whether that be good overwhelmed or not so good. So in solidarity with my mamas (or parents in general) that are feeling all the feelings, I’m sharing a few things that wreak havoc on my emotions. Anyone else?
Communication (or lack thereof) – This has struck me as beyond frustrating more than I care to admit. Obviously babies can’t tell us what’s wrong, so for the first little while, it’s all a guessing game. And sometimes, they just cry to cry and there’s nothing we can do but be there for them. Despite knowing and understanding this now that I’ve been through it, there’s been more than a few times when I’m beyond frustrated with myself for not having better mama instincts and knowing exactly what’s wrong and how I can fix it. I have moments when I wish he could just tell me what’s wrong to avoid the fussing and crying that push the limits of my patience (wishful thinking I know, I understand that kids test your patience for the entirety of your life). We’ve made it through so far, and I’ve found different coping mechanisms (thank you therapy) for dealing with heightened frustration and lack of patience in these moments, but I know there will be more, and I will continue to work on being my most understanding self.
Independence (and not feeling as needed) – This gives happy and sad emotions at the same time. I am always thrilled to see my kid learn new things and gain his independence. I have loved each stage more than the last because I’ve gotten to watch his brain develop and see his personality shine (of which I like to take at least a little bit of credit as they are some of my genetics). But there’s also a small part of my mama self that is sad when he doesn’t need me as much as he once did. I can only imagine that this particular emotional struggle worsens as one’s child grows up and they develop independence ten fold. Guess I should start mentally preparing now…
Regressions (and the accompanying sleepless nights) – This leads to silliness as much as it does unnecessary tears. At a certain point, I just come to accept that I’m living and functioning on little to no sleep because my child’s well being comes first. What he needs is what he gets and what I need comes second. It’s not my favorite when heightened emotions lead to short inane arguments with my husband or the random urge to cry throughout the day. But in keeping a “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” mentality, I’m learning each day that I’m more resilient than I ever thought.
Confidence (or lack thereof in my parenting style) – This gets me more and more the older my kid gets. The more he’s responsive and observant of what his dad and I are doing and saying, and of how we handle situations, the more this sends my emotions spiraling. As he grows I’ve become hyper aware of the things I do and say in his vicinity, trying to teach him the ‘right’ things to the best of my ability. I have to remind myself that I am human and I will not always handle things the correct way or say the right things. In these moments, I have the ability and responsibility to show my child that it’s ok to make mistakes. As long as I can apologize and make amends for doing or saying something I’m not proud of, then that’s an important lesson too, and one that teaches him just as much as anything else. It’s not my job to be perfect, it’s my job to love my kid. And that’s something I’m definitely good at.
Some things that have saved me in my most emotional moments…
Journaling or writing, because getting those emotions and thoughts out of my head is therapeutic. Sending memes to my husband or mama friends, because knowing I’m not alone in my feelings makes a world of difference. A change of scenery, mostly in the form of a golf cart ride around the neighborhood, because who doesn’t love some fresh air? And it might sound cliché, but deep breaths, because, well just because.
Cheers ☕️
Want more Mama Mournings? Follow me on Instagram.