Hi there! My name is Lauren, and I’m so happy you’re here!
First of all, being a mom is hard af. That being said…I started this blog for a few reasons. One, having a community of moms is everything, we need all the support we can get, and I hope some of you can find that here; two, it’s nice to know that I’m (and you’re) not the only one struggling through this parenthood thing; and three, journaling is very therapeutic and sometimes you just need a place to vent about it. So if it helps create and foster a community and support system for other moms, then I’m happy to share my story and my thoughts on some of the mournings we have as mamas.
I entered my motherhood era at 34 years old. I had my first (and only) baby last year. He’s the cutest little boy, of course I’m biased, I’m a mom. Once we started trying, it didn’t take my husband and I very long to get pregnant (lucky, I know), but pregnancy was far from my favorite experience (more on that later). I am a retired professional ballerina, I danced until 2022 when my husband and I moved out of the city and decided to try to start a family. I have worked many other part time jobs, and once we had our son, I took some time off to navigate post partum and try to get a feel for what I’d like to do in this new era.
I don’t have any degrees or certifications when it comes to taking care of a baby or raising a child. I’m just figuring it out as I go, like a lot of us. Now, I know I got lucky in many ways…I ended up with a baby that sleeps through the night more than he doesn’t, he’s a fantastic little eater, no allergies thus far, and his temperament is super chill and happy-go-lucky. But that’s not to say that I don’t have my days when I feel like I’m not cut out for this job. The thing about being a mom though, is you don’t have a choice. This is a job you don’t get to clock out from or put your two weeks notice in for. There is no drop period or return policy (although my husband has asked about such a policy on multiple occasions). Sometimes navigating the trials and tribulations, all that mom guilt, and those negative thoughts end up taking over more of my emotional, mental, and physical capacity than I’d like, or that I care to admit.
I’ve heard it so many times – having a baby is ‘a miracle’ it’s ‘the best thing that will ever happen to you’, it’s ‘the best time of your life’. I’m supposed to ‘enjoy every minute’, and not ‘take it for granted’. I’m not saying that this hasn’t been the case at all, being a mom is definitely not all bad, and I have absolutely enjoyed things about this new season of my life. But there have also been a number of times when I’ve found myself in my Mama Mourning era. Over the last year(+), I’ve mourned my pre-baby body, my pre-baby life, my pre-baby brain power, emotional state, and sanity. I’ve found myself feeling guilty for not embracing this new chapter in a purely positive light, and I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. I think it’s ok (and super normal) for us mamas to feel frustrated and lose patience. But something I’ve come to find, is that the more I share with people, the more support I seem to find, and the easier it is to deal with it all.
So to my fellow mama in mourning…I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I’m with you. We can get through this together. With our partners, our villages, our support systems, and our communities, I’m hoping we find that most of our mama mournings turn in to mama mornings.
Cheers
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