Today I’m mourning…my sanity.

The first year of motherhood was a whirlwind to say the least, and one that I’m both happy and sad to be a little fuzzy on the details of. From the sleepless newborn nights, to the high anxiety days of nonstop crying, to the stress of introducing solids, to navigating developmental leaps and the sleep regressions that accompany them…it’s a small miracle we all made it through. Everyone is an expert at being a parent, until they’re a parent themselves…isn’t that how the saying goes? But no matter what you think before you have a kid, there’s no doubt that once you’re in it, this job is hard af. In the midst of my postpartum anxiety, I found myself trying to be a “chill” mom. Easier said than done. I’m not saying it’s the same for all new parents, but my experience was that it was pretty hard to let go of control when it came to my baby. I had a select few people that I trusted to take care of my child and even if I did, I was having such an emotional time that I was projecting my insecurities on to them in the process of trying to let go. Somewhere along the way I was able to stop caring what other people think and instead adapt to what I need, what my child needs, and what is best for my family. If I’ve learned anything about parenting, it’s that a one size fits all model does not work here.

What does work, or at least in my experience, is letting the people you trust take their own kind of control. My mother-in-law was the first person I left my child with for an evening and she said something that I will never forget. As I, a hesitant new mom leaving her baby, was headed out the door, she told me reassuringly, “I might not do it the exact same way as you would, but we’ll get it done.” That ideal resonated with me so deeply because she was absolutely right. No matter what, I knew that baby was in good hands and regardless of how it got done, he would be bathed, fed, changed, and put to sleep by someone who loved him. It helped me realize that I could relinquish control, depend on others to help me, and things would be ok. More than ok, even. They say it takes a village, and it was time to let the village help. I’m glad I did. And even though I knew it would be fine, the experience made all the difference.

Speaking of different…as our kiddo grows, my husband and I have determined (not to anyone’s surprise) that we are two different people that have two different parenting styles. He has every right to parent the way he sees fit, just like I do. So “parent how you want to parent” has became a staple phrase in our lives. This has expanded on to whoever happens to be watching our child at any given time, like my sister gets to “aunt how she wants to aunt” and my mother-in-law gets to “grandma how she wants to grandma”. This has served to remind myself that my way of parenting isn’t the only way, and that it’s such a blessing to have so many people in my kid’s life that have the ability to teach him lessons and show him kindness, caring, and love in different ways. I’m learning to parent at the same time my kid is growing, and though that does suck sometimes because it feels like all I do is mess up, I know that there’s no one in the world more suited for the job of being his mama than I am.

You need advice on how to handle a parenting situation? I am so not the one to ask. But you want someone to commiserate with, send memes to, and bounce parenting faux pas off of? I’m your girl. There’s a lot about parenting I don’t know and I will not always get it right. But what I do know is that I love this kid, I will always love this kid, and I will continue to teach and help him grow in whatever way he needs by always being there for him and making sure he’s surrounded by people that will do the same for both of us.

Cheers ☕️

Want more Mama Mournings? Follow me on Instagram.